Hello everyone,

          I know it's been a long time since I last did anything on this site. I've been trying to get my life back and it seems that it's taking a really long time to get my life back. I don't like doing the work on here. How I've been able to deal with or cope with my anxiety. Is, talk things out with my friends, write in a journal, literally write. I do a lot of research online. So that's another way I'm able to cope with anxiety. I do everything I can to keep my mind distracted. I'm trying to learn how to do one thing at a time. Sometimes it feels impossible. One I'm trying to get a job and get back to work, Two I'm trying to go back to school, Three I'm trying to deal with this anxiety and forget the past. For those of you who don't know how my anxiety spawned. It happened after a break up. I didn't want to deal with the pain of having loss a significant other and the people who caused that anger. One day I decided I'm going to deal with it. I learned how angry I was with my ex and people involved. I tried so hard to act like nothing happened. Tried to go about my days keeping a smile on my face and not deal with the heart ache and anger. I learned that was the wrong thing to do. I'm not the emotional type. Anytime I tried to do something fun and it reminded of the ex. It made me sad, and I stopped having fun. I didn't cry about it or talk to anyone about it. If I did, it sounded like I was o.k. Because I ignored my emotions and anger things just kept getting out of control. I started incorporating everything good to something bad. So when ever I get that adrenaline rush, it became something bad. I used to love the adrenaline rush. I'm slowly getting back in to the swing of things. I try to avoid places the Ex and I used to go to. Or do the things we used to do together. But for some reason, I go to these places and try to remember the good things instead of the bad things. Sometimes it makes me sad because I makes me miss the ex. Maybe not him so much, but that feeling of having someone. I'm trying to date so I could forget about him and move on. But it's hard, because I panick.That I might get used, or get my heart broke. Or that I expect too much of the other person. Such as the other person taking full responsibility for my anxiety. For that person to basically be there for me every second of every minute so I don't have to deal with it. Funny how I'm talking about this and I'm just now finding out what I'm doing wrong. I knew that you can't expect that of someone. But I guess just saying in your head that, that is not the way to deal with the anxiety and writing it down are two different things. I feel like kicking myself in the behind. lol. Just figuratively speaking. Well I'm going to run for now. Thanks for listening to my dilemma. I hope that there's some information that's helpfu to someone.

                                                -Doreen