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Personal Profile for AWARE

I am: Male
I am from: United States
My hobbies: kuntao' Chinese fighting arts


My Symptom Blog

a new chance to overcome this sole crushing fear

i have had agoraphobia for 17 years,work at the same 50 hour a week job,
but my doc years ago made a mistake of trying me on xanax 2mm ,this i feel was a big part of my undoing ,or at last redoing,i left my job and lost my insurnce ,tryed the gen brand ,it did not work ,ssri made it so much caged but some what normal life was de railed and i had a beno issue not that i abused at lest not by my scrip but i had to come off of them,in a good part of a year i had worked  it out my god hell is a light word .i am clear of them and i face this demon {fear}i have some old ways that i use,be for meds it is hard to use a Thich nhat Hanh style of mindfullness but it is the best tool i have and its not hard to do untill it is.but nothing has helped me deal with it as well now just trying to a just to the simple things like {going out side}driveing and simple thing going in to stores .but i still my self as much as i can some days it is not as bad and some days i have to tell my self ok you just gota go this far and alot of the time i have forgoten that i was only going so far.i have what might be called free floating ,or the fear of fear, all day all night but i am finding a light mood with a firce desire to not lose to my own mind is oddly helpfull.but i have a long way to felling better,but i am here on the road so i might as well get on my way for my famly and my sellf i must .mindfull that it is easy to pay two much to the fear i know theres more than that .i know my body feels like it is pluged in with vibrateing over wellming dizzy fellings but i was out to day and said well that must be how i feel so whatever and it made it seem easy to deal with it at tha moment but i dont miss one single second good or bad and that is makeing me happy even if a feel like im lost in a strange energy that is to big to control,mabe it will just be there to,like i bored it lol and it leves for a bit.


Signature: zengurila