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PanicGurl Jun 01, 2017 (10:51 PM)  

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Recovery has been slow, but I'm healing.

Hugs, tell me of your adventures while I've been away.

Eggshells

hugs4U Mar 01, 2017 (10:44 PM)  

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Eggs, I'll pray for your recovery. Thanks for your encouragement. ps. The bread needed some low heat, and seems fine. I'm going to break from cornbread, maybe, like your food journal. Maybe it's the extra bread that's bothering me, since I had to munch on crackers for a few days.

Hugs4u

PanicGurl Mar 01, 2017 (07:54 PM)  

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Hugs,

I miss Davit too. As for the bread, I only make fruit breads like banana, blueberry, apple, etc... My cooking tips would pale in comparison. 


My surgery date is set for 3rd week in March. The countdown begins. My panic attacks have lessened some. My skin is taking the brunt of my stress right now. I keep trying to recall some ways to cope that Davit taught me and for all my memory is worth I can't. I even went through all of the emails we exchanged looking for what I thought was there but must be in the skype conversation somewhere.


Alas, once my surgery date arrives I will be offline here for a good month. I am looking forward to hearing about your adventures when I log back in. 


P.S. I hope the bread turns out.

Eggshells

hugs4U Feb 28, 2017 (11:01 PM)  

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Thanks Eggs, I guess I’d feel awkward if someone looked at my older self, and judged me too. An inspiring movie was the “Silver Linings Playbook”, but it’s hard not to see Matt Damon not being “Jason Bourne”/action star! And his co-star also had a mental illness, so I felt inspired. Watching another TEDx talk inspired me to see the possibility of getting over physical pain(as if mental illness isn’t enough). The anaology was that physical pain is actually often over-reacted to, similar to anxiety. The speaker was Lorimer Mosely who sounded Australian at : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwd-wLdIHjs. I miss Davit since he had all these cooking fixes...today my bread didn't rise, and I'm trying to cook it again at a lower temperature....oh well...back to the drawing board.

Hugs4u

PanicGurl Feb 27, 2017 (08:44 PM)  

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Hugs,

I guess it would depend on the potential persons personality. I suppose if the potential person lacked empathy/compassion they wouldn't be a good person to be in a relationship with. You have to weed out the personality traits before such a relationship. In order to do so, you have to put yourself out there if you're willing to weed out the bad apples.


As for the mental illness part... the stigma isn't there anymore. More often then not, almost every person you come in contact with has some form/type of mental illness. It was estimated that 42.5 million people suffer from a mental illness in the USA. That's just the USA. I can understand about the physical illness too. It's human nature to seek someone healthy when we're younger. I myself am not young now, so to me a relationship is based on trust and companionship. Yet when I was younger, I recall my future mother in law once commenting that I had good child bearing hips (decades ago) before her son and I were even engaged. If someone said that now, it'd be awkwardly embarrassing.
 
I like your 3 affirmations and they're very good too. I think that is a great idea before bedtime.
 

Eggshells

hugs4U Feb 26, 2017 (11:27 PM)  

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Eggs, I guess it's not pessimism. It just always feels dark, and like there's a cloud, as with that cartoon character. Before I sleep, I always review my 3 affirmations of being persistent, being competent and thinking of someone who showed I was worthy of being likeable. How does a person with a disorder venture into a "relationship"? It seems easy for those with physical ills. Even HIV is acceptable with the celebrity status it's had. This stigma around mental illness just makes me live a double life I guess, and maybe that's a source of pessimism. I'm not sure the world's docs has solutions for mental illness the way they can deal with physical ills. I can see why, since the brain is so central to everything. Maybe it's my fear of being rejected though. A person with a physical illness might have a chance of being rejected, once a relationship gets serious too, doesn't it.

Hugs4u

PanicGurl Feb 22, 2017 (09:21 PM)  

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Hugs,
 
The compliment on your success was given freely. I'm very proud of you. I could never imagine you as pessimistic. 

I was eating a wide variety/nationality of foods at the time that I started keeping a food journal. I can admit honestly there were a lot of times I didn't write in it for days. It did help though. For the longest time I thought Spaghetti was a culprit in my flare ups. I found out by eating cheaply made spaghetti one evening  and waiting for a flare up to follow. It never came. I looked back through the journal and found my column marked triggered and seen it was spaghetti with onions/green bell peppers and mushrooms. A light bulb went off per say.. So I had a mushroom pizza later in the week and no issues. That left 2 items. A week later I knew it was certainly the onions. It could take you less time than it did me. I understand the obsession concern. Use your best rational judgement on taking on another list. 


We're not broken with our anxiety disorder. Always remember that please. You're not broken, I'm not broken-and any type of disorder/illness does not define us, what we are worth, nor sets us apart from being compatible with others. 
 
 

Eggshells

hugs4U Feb 18, 2017 (09:47 PM)  

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Eggs, I'm not sure I can take a compliment, or am just pessimistic. Did it really take 2 years? I'm tracking a lot of other stuff(sleep/mouthguard use(for bruxism) and I wonder if this will just feed my obsession. Obsession is reducing with age. A few health issues have come about, but they're not serious yet. Maybe it's a good thing to know there's an endpoint to life, so I be prompted to act. That video makes that point, I think, by stating that there are a finite number of days in our lives. there's a biblical reference to planning poorly, and being ridiculed if the planning fails, so I read it daily, hoping I'll dream of this, and be more committed. I noted a parent did something which I thought was abusive on public transit a few weeks ago. The parent didn't like the childs behaviour, and reprimanded the child, threatening to embarrass "his ass in public". Although my parent used corporal punishment, I thought this was worse! Today went to a workshop about leadership, and will think about it over the weekend. Not "connecting" with people is probably because, quite frankly, I didn't wish to impose my brokenness-as a person with an anxiety disorder- on another person. Who would want me. I don't think this indentation is working, but it's worked before. I'll keep experimenting. Maybe I just need to transfer it to a wordprocessor. I'll try that next.

Hugs4u

PanicGurl Feb 17, 2017 (10:49 PM)  

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Hugs4u,

It sounds like you are getting out and meeting people and living life. I'm proud of you!!!
 
I just hit enter after I finish a paragraph and it doesn't show up on my screen as a line down/ indentation, but works out that way somehow.
 
I kept a food diary for over 2 years learning what foods I could/couldn't eat with my IBS-D and Bile Salt Diarrhea. It's a great idea. I learned what foods my body would tolerate and which ones to avoid. I was able to plan meals around the problem foods. Sadly, there are a few foods I love that I can no longer eat. I make up for those with other foods however. Every now and then I will crave something off of my "not tolerable" list and I will eat it anyhow and be miserable for a good day or two. Some times it's just worth it though. :)
 
P.S. I would write down the foods and times I ate them in one column down the left side of page. I used the right side column for if it triggered my IBS-D or BSD within 24 hours. Some foods triggered me faster and were wrote in sooner. It's pretty easy to keep a food diary/journal. Good luck with yours.

Eggshells

hugs4U Feb 17, 2017 (08:12 PM)  

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ps. How do you indent to make such nice paragraphs, since your writing is so readable that way? I tried indenting but the page breaks didn't set into the formatting.

Hugs4u

hugs4U Feb 17, 2017 (08:10 PM)  

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Good luck Eggs, I did go to a finance talk which was good just to be around people. Meeting someone I knew in another part of the library was nice, so I invited him to the talk, and he seemed interested. Earlier I'd gone to a boring history talk, but it was nice to go out anyway, and be with people. Somehow I'd felt awful in the morning, since I have TMJ. Using a food diary might be showing me that eating white bread which I've been using with cornbread might be giving me a problem. I wonder what's going on, but eventually I'll show a dietician. I'm planning a workshop tomorrow on leadership, but have to get up so early. I'm craving cornbread but haven't any other bread, and wonder if I'll be okay. I'll get to the bottom of this. I wonder if anyone has used a food diary? It seems easy, but there can be so many other factors...

Hugs4u

PanicGurl Feb 16, 2017 (11:37 PM)  

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Hugs4u,

I do miss Davit. We became great friends prior to his passing. The last year has been difficult on me health wise. I will check out the link you sent. Thank you very much for the encouraging words.


I'm proud of you for going out and enjoying the world. It has so much to offer and there is lots to see. Check in and give me details of your outings when you get the chance.
 

Eggshells

hugs4U Feb 16, 2017 (06:20 PM)  

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Eggs, If you're missing Davit, then so do I. He was really supportive. What I find as a human being is that I need some support, so I work hard at getting that by doing something of interest daily, so that human connection will act as an emotional shock absorber. What I learned that is new, is from an inspirational talk viewed eleven million times about procrastination at this link: https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_urban_inside_the_mind_of_a_master_procrastinator . All I can say to encourage you is that progress isn't linear, so be easy on yourself since all of the extra stress from physical issues would crush the average person. You are remarkable! If I don't return for a while, it's just that going out was the next step from this forum, and the forum was helpful while I start to venture out and exploring the world to find it's safer that I thought.

Hugs4u

PanicGurl Feb 15, 2017 (08:05 PM)  

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It has been a while since I posted here for many reasons. I have been so fatigued and see a Dr more than I see family members. Also, it's been difficult with the passing of one of the members last year who I formed an immediate friendship with.
 
Last year in May I had some kidney issues that just wouldn't go away. Repeated Uti's that antibiotics didn't want to cure. In November 2016 I woke up to swollen fingers and toes. After numerous tests - heart related tests including a heart catherization, ultrasounds, Ct urogram, rheumatology testing, some surgeries ob-gyn related, etc..I am finally getting some answers. I have a mass on my right kidney-highly malignant. I have also been diagnosed with Raynaud's disease and more. I am scheduled for a partial nephrectomy in March. I also have to have more melanomas removed at the end of this month.
 
The cardiologist suggested I get a fitness tracker and increase my activity daily (albeit I have no energy whatsoever feeling exhausted daily). But, taking his advice in January- I did. It monitors my steps, sleep, heart rate- and more. It has a daily graph of all.
 
What I thought was just general fatigue while out shopping last week (and being assured by the cardiologist my heart is fine) I had my first panic attack in over a year. Looking at it on the graph on my cell phone was interesting and sad at the same time. Looking at the spike in heart rate 163 bpm could have been concerning to some. To me, it was a set back. I've had numerous panic attacks since I got the news on my kidney. Maybe up to five attacks this week already. I'm a hot mess of anxiety with the upcoming surgeries. Hence, why I am here writing this. Maybe writing it will help. My support system is few and far in between.
 
After the second panic attack last week, the first thing that came to my mind was this group. Asking myself what had I learned and how it could help me at that moment. I talked myself down from the attack, did my breathing exercises, and found something else to focus on. The panic attack today- It took an emotional break down for me to come here to the forum. I know realistically I can't avoid what will help me. (Yes, I have an avoidance issue) I've almost not posted this twice in my mind. That isn't going to help me though. Posting this and doing the course again will. 
 
Any new strategies learned by anyone recently to help with panic/anxiety attacks?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Eggshells

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